Sunday, December 12, 2010

Timeless

hands folded
crinkled blue lines
pop and pulse
tapping life

4 comments:

  1. Kay,

    the visual details in the upper verse is really impressive. However, I find the lower one a little telly. It leaves little room for the reader to ponder.

    Just a thought.

    Chen-ou

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  2. Thanks for stirring my mind, Chen-ou! The ebb and flow of critique is so good for writers.

    :o) ~Kay

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  3. Kay, the revision is much better. I like it very much.

    Chen-ou

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  4. I didn't see the original but this is very moving. You have so obviously observed these things first-hand and with great attention. Stunned, an old woman writer once asked the 30 year-old Anne Sexton regarding her poem "Old", "How could you know?". I think with Sexton you could respond just as assuredly: "I know."

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