"packing dermis of graytomorrows"Great lines.How about the following the revision:elephants don't forgettheir trunkswhen they movepacking dermis of graytomorrowsGrandma's park had an elephant slideI won't forget(Ls 1&2 are resonant with Ls 7&8)Just a thought.I like the theme explored in your poem.Chen-ou
Thank you, Chen-ou. I appreciate your edits. I'll review them again tomorrow. I have tapped out my brain on a couple poems I want to forget! LOL. :o) I'm glad you liked lines 5&6. They kind of tickled me pink.Have a great evening!~Kay
Good morning! I do like the rhythm and feel much better with your suggestions. Thank you, Chen-ou.It's always good to have another pair of eyes.~Kay
How did I miss this? Hilarious word-play! Do you do this around the kids?
Brian, my babble around the kids is never polished... and their eyes glaze after the minimum word count. LOL!