the puppies wait
beneath the board
dripping
expectations
humming, mama
drops a bit--
cornbread crisp
bacon fried
hush puppies
the children run
upsetting spoons
laughing
with the clamor
frowning, mama
taps a beat
hands fan out
mid their stride
hush children
now at table
coffee shudders
brewing
treasured potions
sighing, mama
takes a sip
cradles mug
stirs inside
I am moved by your heartfelt poem made of intimate moments keenly perceived.
ReplyDeleteAnd your use of repetition is emotionally effective.
However, I'm not sure if you need the concluding line. It's because the title could be effectively utilized as such.
Just a thought.
Chen-ou
Thank you for your perceptive read. The ending is stunted a bit. I will revise those last few lines.
ReplyDeleteTake care, Kay
Chen-ou, is this better? I tried to achieve a balanced rhythm, though my own odd form.
ReplyDelete~Kay
Kay, the revision is better.
ReplyDeleteChen-ou