Monday, September 20, 2010

The Hush

the puppies wait
beneath the board
dripping
expectations

humming, mama
drops a bit--
cornbread crisp
bacon fried

hush puppies

the children run
upsetting spoons
laughing
with the clamor

frowning, mama
taps a beat
hands fan out
mid their stride

hush children

now at table
coffee shudders
brewing
treasured potions

sighing, mama
takes a sip
cradles mug
stirs inside             

4 comments:

  1. I am moved by your heartfelt poem made of intimate moments keenly perceived.

    And your use of repetition is emotionally effective.

    However, I'm not sure if you need the concluding line. It's because the title could be effectively utilized as such.

    Just a thought.


    Chen-ou

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  2. Thank you for your perceptive read. The ending is stunted a bit. I will revise those last few lines.

    Take care, Kay

    ReplyDelete
  3. Chen-ou, is this better? I tried to achieve a balanced rhythm, though my own odd form.

    ~Kay

    ReplyDelete