tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126088940278550727.post7562727698375185488..comments2023-05-23T06:27:45.215-07:00Comments on Immersed in Word: The HushKay Tracyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07204653574216344790noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126088940278550727.post-62800179318994611962010-09-22T06:02:29.880-07:002010-09-22T06:02:29.880-07:00Kay, the revision is better.
Chen-ouKay, the revision is better.<br /><br />Chen-ouChen-ou Liu, 劉鎮歐https://www.blogger.com/profile/06235248170011255532noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126088940278550727.post-86696518568141047212010-09-21T22:04:04.741-07:002010-09-21T22:04:04.741-07:00Chen-ou, is this better? I tried to achieve a bala...Chen-ou, is this better? I tried to achieve a balanced rhythm, though my own odd form.<br /><br />~KayKay Tracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07204653574216344790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126088940278550727.post-26881294292921071112010-09-21T21:36:18.397-07:002010-09-21T21:36:18.397-07:00Thank you for your perceptive read. The ending is ...Thank you for your perceptive read. The ending is stunted a bit. I will revise those last few lines.<br /><br />Take care, KayKay Tracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07204653574216344790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6126088940278550727.post-14995203405258062982010-09-21T05:34:12.499-07:002010-09-21T05:34:12.499-07:00I am moved by your heartfelt poem made of intimate...I am moved by your heartfelt poem made of intimate moments keenly perceived.<br /><br />And your use of repetition is emotionally effective.<br /><br />However, I'm not sure if you need the concluding line. It's because the title could be effectively utilized as such.<br /><br />Just a thought.<br /><br /><br />Chen-ouChen-ou Liu, 劉鎮歐https://www.blogger.com/profile/06235248170011255532noreply@blogger.com