Saturday, March 19, 2011

to breathe

freely
deeply inhaled
springing from Daphne's bud
a signet wreathing my nostrils
in life

and yet
death is odor
free; inhaled in secret
insipid nuclear plants spring--
earth quakes

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5 comments:

  1. BrianMarch 20, 2011 at 6:38 AM

    Really nice use of the mirror cinquain, almost line for line concordance. The poem holds all the strange ambivalence of this year's beginning of Cherry Blossom Season.

    (Did you mean to write"springing" or "spring" in the ninth line?)

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  2. Chen-ou Liu, 劉鎮歐March 20, 2011 at 12:33 PM

    Kay, I second Brian. The form and theme establishes a dialectical relationship.

    Nicely done.

    Chen-ou

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  3. Kay TracyMarch 20, 2011 at 6:36 PM

    Hello, friends. Thanks for the encouragement. I'm hoping my poetry brain cells still have something useful.

    Brian, I think I used "springing" to fit the syllable requirements. Maybe it doesn't work. I will make a revision. I'm looking forward to our triad again this April. A new thirty day challenge.

    Best to all,
    Kay

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  4. Kay TracyMarch 20, 2011 at 6:39 PM

    Is "nuclear" two or three syl-lah-bles? :o)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Chen-ou Liu, 劉鎮歐March 22, 2011 at 7:58 AM

    Kay, two syllables.

    Chen-ou

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