Friday, December 10, 2010

At St. Peter's Gate

minor slips of the key
bell tones without answer
scales fall from the serpent

countless skins of sin I shed
skeins of naked truth threading
through the I's of needle's pain

pins drop and ping to sing
hallelujah's jazzy
lift, but still, the wrong key


  1. The juxtaposition of these three contrasting images is psychologically effective.

    Only one minor suggestion:

    I think your poem, which is labeled as pondering faith, might be strengthened by using at least one Biblical image that adds an extra layer of religious significance to the poem.

    Just a thought.


  2. Ah, thank you Chen-ou. The gate is St. Peter's. :o) I'll edit the title accordingly.


  3. Kay,

    I like your expanded version.

    The title is really great and I love its allusion.


  4. I haven't checked your blog figuring you had your hands too full. Now I find an embarrassment of riches and don't know where to begin!

    Strong biblical imagery and self-examination. Have you thought to submit to Christian publications? I think some of them carry poetry. I guarantee none this good.

  5. Brian, you are always so generous about my poetry. I like it. LOL. The original version was the first stanza and it was named "At the Gate" (I think). Chen-ou forced me to pull more out of the hat, and it completed the thought for me. I'm thinking about putting my elusive allusions into a small volume. We'll see. I'm the greatest procrastinator when it comes to that!

    Take care,